I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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