idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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