apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
