Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
