You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
