if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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