Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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