Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
