why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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