dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
People in love make me want to vomit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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