The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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