Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
