She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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