i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
