He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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