Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
