it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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