I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I intend to get homeless drunk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
