one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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