my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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