she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
