Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
