i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
