Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
