I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
