FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
