Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
