Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
