i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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