That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
