a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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