he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
