You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
