party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
