she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
