So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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