my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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