I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
