Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
