Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
