This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
