In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
