Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
