What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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