Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We left the knife in your bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
