I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
