She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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