Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
