i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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