didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
