apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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