you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
