Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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