how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
