Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
