she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
